It’s officially begun; everyone’s moved away, you’ve sat at home watching people living it up at freshers week every night for days on end then smiled convincingly and shook your head when people ask if you feel like you’re missing out. Uni has begun and, if you’re anything like me, you’ve got massive FOMO. Everyone you know has gone from living down the road and being friends with people you know, to meeting new people on the daily, moving out and becoming independent, and, I’m not going to lie, it feels rubbish.
It’s easy to think that life as you know it is over, things will never be the same between you and your friends, and you’re just going to continuously feel like you’re falling behind; but you have to understand that that’s not true. In a society where finding individual pathways and ways of doing things is becoming increasingly popular you’d be surprised how many people are choosing not to go to university; in fact over a quarter of young people are choosing alternative routes to finding work, and even more deciding to take a gap year. That means that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who are just like you and who are going through the same emotions when seeing everyone away at uni.
So, how do I recommend you cope with these feelings? First, just keep reminding yourself that you are not worth any less if you have decided not to go to university, or you’ve postponed your departure. University doesn’t have to be ticked off the metaphorical checklist of life that we are prescribed by society at a specific point in your life, or at all, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. Yes, it feels a bit rubbish watching people you know encounter so many new experiences at uni, but who’s to say that you have to limit yourself from these experiences, or similar ones, just because you’re at home? Don’t prevent yourself from trying new things and meeting new people just because you’re not away from home. The likelihood is that you live in a town or city that either has its own uni, or is very close to one, which means that there will be numerous freshers week and student themed nights at clubs and bars in town, which will be full of young people. You can definitely take advantage of these events (and the cheap drinks!) even if you’re not a student, and it’s one of the best ways to socialise and meet new people from across the country who are the same age as you. As the city or town around you fills up with fresh faces the best thing you can do is get yourself out there and find things to do and places to go where you know there’ll be new, exciting people for you to meet.
One of the main things I’ve been struggling with whilst all of my friends are away is maintaining friendships with my school friends and people I’ve grown up with. It’s so easy to become insecure and immediately presume that they’re simply going to replace you, especially if you suffer with insecurity; it’s even easier to begin to believe this when you see their social media updates overflowing with new people and new friends. The way I try and tackle these feelings is by reinforcing this idea with myself: if I moved away would I immediately forget everyone that I’ve loved for the past few years? The answer is obviously no. If something goes wrong in my life the people I’d turn to would be my best friends, just like I would turn to my family, and that wouldn’t change, no matter how many new people I met, and I’d love to think that my friends feel the same. Yes, they’re going to make new friends, I’d worry if they didn’t because I want them to have the best university experience that they can, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to replace me. It’s not like you’re only allowed to have a certain number of friends and that you have to interchange one old friend for a new one, so why would they just drop me?
Being the only one not at university can feel like a very lonely experience but you just have to keep reminding yourself that even though your friends may be far away, they’re still your friends, and there’s literally nothing stopping you from making new friends. Putting yourself out there, whether that’s socially or on social media, is something that you shouldn’t be scared of; there’s always going to be other people out there who want to make new friends just like you.
Is there anyone else like me who’s not away at university this year?
Love Chloe x
